how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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