I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
