The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
