We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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