just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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