Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
