I just pynch a tree in the face
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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