Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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