Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
