Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize