big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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