Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
