Soap is not a condiment
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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