There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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