I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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