No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize