Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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