Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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