Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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