My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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