So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
