I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
