How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
should my penis look like a turkey
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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