The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize