i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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