did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just wanna soil my oats bro
she woke up with a sticky ear
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
