i permit you to call me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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