There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
