She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
