the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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