Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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