Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
