i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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