I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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