last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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