yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
