I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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