She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
