if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
