we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
