ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
