I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize