i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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