is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
