she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i love accidental penises.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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