Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize