First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
