I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
