I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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