blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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