What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
