It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i drank out of a bidet.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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