Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
