I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
