I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
