he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
