I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize