I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize