I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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