I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
