I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
