Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
