so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
