i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
