so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize