i think my tv is drunk
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
