So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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