Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize