And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
