Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
