I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I use my feet as sexual weapons
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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