my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
