I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
