I feel like abortions should bother me more
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize