my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am midnight drunk by noon
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We are two peas in an std pod
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
