I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
