just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize