Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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