think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
