Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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