Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
