I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
