dude i'm inner monologue high
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
