Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
