My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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