you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
