Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize