...so i touched it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize